It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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