do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize