She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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