I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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