Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
