I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize