do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
