I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
