gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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