I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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