i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
