Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
