you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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