I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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