Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
