if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
