i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize