Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
