She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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