hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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