Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
