why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
