The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
