I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
