I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
