We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
