Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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