I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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