I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
