How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
