I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
