On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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