It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
