so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
