Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
