WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
