So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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