Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
