I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
