Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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