dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize