my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
