He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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