Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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