I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
