Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
