It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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