Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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