its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
