How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i will never coherently bang her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
