Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
