babies were throwing up all over the place
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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