my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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