So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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