Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
