She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
