The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
