I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
