Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
