Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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