I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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