i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
