Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
