Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize