Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
