i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
