I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tell her she can't have a vagina
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I deserve this hangover.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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