Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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