I will die if light touches me.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm at about main and main street
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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